what the fuck am i doing here? being out of my small town and away from my JET life for just a short week during the holidays has made me quite reflective and contemplative. yes, i like crazy ideas. yes, i like challenges. yes, it appears i like to torture myself. but what the fuck am i really trying to do with my new/temporary life in japan? ive been answering this question with humor and sarcasm to all of my good friends and family in vegas, but for the sake of my own personal sanity, i feel like its important to remember the real reasons why i threw away so much to live in a glorified outhouse and teach english in the Middle of Nowhere, Japan.

long before i moved here, i had three goals to shoot for. and after some reevaluation, im still holding true to these goals.

• 1. learn japanese
• 2. learn to deal with kids
• 3. explore

honestly, i feel like ive been making some real progress towards these goals. ive been noticing that i dont hate 100% of children anymore (its possibly down to as low as 99%). and ive spent every weekend except two traveling around and adventuring. though i have progressed a bit with my japanese skills, i am still a little ashamed that im not as far along as i had thought id be by now. i could blame it on the fact that there arent any japanese classes offered within a few hours of me. i could blame it on the fact that i honestly dont enjoy hanging out with old people because we have absolutely nothing in common. but im worried that the real reason is that learning this language is more difficult for me than other people. but no matter the excuse, i still have 6.5 months to work on it.

these were the three reasons why i left my past life. and it took a week of vegas to remind me these are still, in fact, the reasons that keep me here.

xmas eve in japan is for couples, dates, and romance. if you are single in japan, you better have a date lined up for the evening or youre going to feel mighty lonely (good thing im not in japan this xmas eve cause id be feeling hella lonely for sure).

another common xmas tradition in japan is to eat xmas cake. shops all over the country sell special little cakes specifically made to be eaten during the xmas holidays.


kfc is the most jaw-dropping phenomenon in japan. some japanese people phone in reservations to kfc weeks in advance to make sure they can have fried chicken for xmas. and for the unfortunate ones who didnt reserve a dinner beforehand, ive heard stories of people waiting in line for hours just to order their xmas dinner. i suppose many americans eat turkey for xmas - which isnt so different from chicken - but i dont know anyone in america who orders fast food weeks in advance for their holiday meal.

• octopus pancakes (お好み焼き "okonomiyaki") - ingredients can include octopus, cabbage, pancake batter, fish flakes, and mayonnaise; osaka makes the best, but ive made my own and i must say it was quite awesome as well
• fish sausages - literally a sausage-like tube filled with fish parts; one of these was oddly given to me as a present from one of my teachers; a gross fact is that it doesnt need to be refrigerated
• seaweed and chili pepper tea (唐辛子茶 "tougarashicha") - delicious! most japanese people ive talked to dont like it because its too spicy, but ive met a couple who enjoy it as much as i do
• nattou (納豆) - fermented soy beans; slimy, smelly, and gross
• tempura (fried) ginger - large thin slice of ginger dipped in light batter and fried; hands-down the tastiest tempura vegetable ive eaten so far
• squid-flavored crackers - fishy and salty crackers are not high up on my list of favorite things
• soy sauce flavored potato chips - took a little getting used to but theyre actually pretty good
• shrimp-flavored potato chips - salty and shrimpy; not a fan at all
• whale meat school lunch (鯨肉の給食 "kujira niku no kyuushoku") - my schools dont serve whale meat, but i heard that many in wakayama (the prefecture next to mine) do; i actually havent tried eating whale meat yet
• fish flakes used as a common seasoning (鰹節 "katsuobushi") - bonito flakes rightfully belong on many things from noodles to octopus balls
• octopus balls (たこ焼き "takoyaki") - an osaka (大阪) specialty, these things are amazing; pieces of octopus in the center of a doughy ball usually topped with mayonnaise, fish flakes, and sometimes shredded ginger
• tea made from the leftover water from boiling soba noodles (そば茶 "sobacha") - one of the things nagano (長野) is known for; tastes very similar to mugicha (麦茶), or barley tea, this goes great with cold homemade soba noodles
• beef-flavored potato chips - i did not even try these; the smell was atrocious
• squid jerky - chewy and salty; not as good as it sounds
• cheese-flavored kit kat - smells awful but tastes pretty good; tastes a lot like chocolate cheesecake
• cabbage and grape juice - for as weird as it sounds to enjoy drinking cabbage juice, the slight grape flavor made it quite tasty
• soy sauce and cheese flavored crackers - odd combination but satisfying nonetheless

an xmas tree in japan

last weekend i traveled up to osaka (大阪), again, to hang out with some good friends from boston. i think its such a strange coincidence that so many of us boston kids live so close to each other here in japan - but i sure am thankful for it. friday night we partied in kobe (神戸) and ran into lots of overly-friendly ridiculously-drunk japanese businessmen. it was hilarious but uncomfortable for both me and the ladies. so uncomfortably hilarious..

saturday we ate a homemade breakfast (thanks gabby!) and hung out. we even drank some starbucks, which is a rare treat for me these days seeing as how the closest one to me is more than two hours away. when the sun went down we walked to the umeda sky building (梅田スカイビル) in osaka to see this years german xmas festival. yes, i know it sounds pretty random, but apparently theres a significant german population in osaka.

two saint nicks

actually used as a cookie-baking kitchen

a scandinavian and a german troll

the world changed before our eyes as we entered the festival: multi-colored xmas lights adorned the buildings; the smell of mulled wine teased our noses (and for 900 yen it teased our bellies too); food stands selling hot dogs and german sausages (which i was told were quite tasty) lined our path; and in the center of the whole thing stood a huge xmas tree covered in lights blinking in time to the xmas music playing in the background.
im not usually into xmasy things, but it actually felt good participating in a few familiar traditions after living away in a foreign country for so long.

at the top of the umeda sky building (梅田スカイビル)

this is the second installment of a multi-part post describing a typical weekday for me in japan. you can read the first part here.

one interesting difference between american and japanese schools is who owns the classrooms. in america, i would have my own english classroom: kujira's english class. when kids have to learn english, they would come to my room to learn. but here in japan, the kids own the classrooms. i go to them to teach english.

__teaching lessons (and punk rock shows)__
i think this classroom ownership difference adds to my constant feeling that each lesson is a performance. teaching english in japan reminds me a lot of playing punk rock shows back in vegas. before each of them, i have to prepare and rehearse what im going to do. lessons plans are the new set lists. i start both activities by walking out in front of a bunch of people who all stare at me, some of whom dont even want me there and cant wait for me to leave. drunk hecklers have been replaced with class clowns. i spend my time trying to read the audience, changing pace if i think im going too fast or too slow. if i see that some of them are getting bored, i try to entertain them better by interacting with them more and maybe adding some funny stories in between the activities/songs. after a particularly good lesson/show/performance, the younger kids sometimes run up to me screaming "kujira sensei" and hug me until i leave the classroom. first graders are the new groupies.

all of my classes are either 45 or 50 minutes long with 10 minute breaks in between. i spend my ten minute breaks between classes sipping on hot green tea, texting nonsensical things to my best friend in vegas, playing chess (or should i say totally kicking ass at chess) against some folk in america on my iphone, and preparing for my next lesson.

__school lunch (給食)__
給食, or school lunch, is a completely different experience in japan. here, the kids eat in their classrooms at their desks. a couple of chosen kids from each class don over-sized aprons, hair nets, and gloves, and bring big buckets of food from the kitchen to their classroom. everyone in the class then grabs a tray and gets in line to get their food. instead of the food being distributed by large scary-looking lunch ladies with mustaches who are missing teeth and hate children, in japan kids serve kids: theres a rice kid who puts rice into everyones rice bowl; theres a milk kid who hands out cartons of locally produced milk to everyone; and there are usually some vegetable dishes that have random fish or meat parts mixed in which are served by yet another kid or two. in japan, it is important that every student gets the same exact portions of the the same exact dishes. and you know what else blows my mind? no one starts eating until everyone has received their food. try imaging 30 american kids patiently and politely waiting for all of their classmates to have their food before they start eating. yeah, you couldnt do it either, huh? afterwards, kids cant go play outside until they completely finish their meal, clean off their plates, bowls, and chopsticks, and brush their teeth.

unfortunately ive only eaten a handful of school lunches with my students because (a) im usually not hungry, and (b) i have to eat the exact same things the kids eat which usually contains meat of some variety. instead, i usually spend my lunch time eating an apple or banana in the teachers room.

__free time at school__
while im at school, i spend much of my free time studying or least trying to study japanese. if im lucky enough to get a free period that day, ill use that time to crack open my japanese textbooks and practice reading, writing, and conjugating words. i also get some time after school gets out, but before im allowed to leave, to study as well. even though the teachers who actually talk to me say that my japanese is getting better every day, i am continually frustrated by my ridiculously slow progress with this language. since i spend most of my day teaching, my speaking skills have improved dramatically. unfortunately though, my listening skills are still worse than terrible. ive been told this is the exact opposite situation for most other language learners; usually one can listen and understand things long before they feel comfortable expressing it themselves. personally, id rather have my situation reversed because i hate understanding only .00001% of the things that are said to me.

what would japan be without its thousands of festivals? i can't find an exact count, but some estimate that there are more than 2,500 festivals in this country every year. im trying to make some of the more awesome ones while im here japan, and so heres a post about the last three i went to. also, sorry for the exceptionally long posting but its been a while since my last one so im just sort of making up for it. ok, here we go..

nagoya festival (名古屋祭り), nagoya

nagoya festival (名古屋祭り)

last month i went to the annual nagoya festival (名古屋祭り) with some fellow english teachers. saturday morning started with a huge parade going through the major areas of town. it was kicked off by three popular feudal lords from 16th century nagoya history who came out on ornate floats and did puppet shows for the crowd. they were followed by dancers, horseback riders, marching bands, and color guards. the finale was an awesome reenacted battle between dudes with long spears and a guy with a.. what the.. with a gun?! yeah, well, i guess fighting fair was overrated even back then. suffice to say, the guy with the gun totally won that fight.

a reenacting of some ancient battle

tenjin festival (天神祭り), iga (伊賀)
the next weekend i went to iga (伊賀) to watch the tenjin festival (天神祭り). the towns small size and narrow streets made this festival really freaking fun.
we had to actually push our way through the crowded streets [外人スマッシュ (gaijin smash!!)] just to get from a fellow JETs house to the interesting part of the festival. it was pretty neat to see so many people literally pulling the floats through town with big long ropes.

pulling the floats through the streets

the best part of the festival, though, was the oni (鬼) parade. onis, by the way, are like japanese demons:
what made the oni parade so hilariously awesome was the fact that parents purposely brought their young, innocent children to the festival TO SCARE THE LIVING SHITE OUT OF THEM. thats right; these terrible, terrible parents brought their young'uns to the front of the crowd for the sole purpose of scaring the tears out of them. literally! you could hear the sounds of crying babies from blocks away. and the best part? the parents were smiling and laughing about it. check out the smiling mother holding her crying child in the top left corner of this photo:

a smiling mother holding a crying baby watching a drunk oni (鬼) stumble by

that oni was particularly cool because he pretended (at least i THINK he was pretending) to be drunk. he drunkenly stumbled side-to-side through the streets the whole time. i was told that there is, in fact, a reason why parents try to scare their children: its said that having an oni make your child cry during the festival will ward off illnesses and bring good luck. the end of the parade, i got the chance to pose with an oni. all in all, this festival was one of the most fun ive seen so far.

from left to right: oni, me. hmm wait..

shouryuusai festival (翔龍祭), ryuujin (龍神)
a couple of weekends ago, i made the long trek over to wakayama prefecture (和歌山県) to visit a friend from boston. he lives in a town called ryuujin (龍神) which literally means "dragon god." his town has an annual festival called shouryuusai (翔龍祭), which means "the flying dragon festival." its pretty much the coolest name for a festival in the most awesomely named town ever.

wicked dragon art

also at this festival were a bunch of chainsaw artists making sculptures out of wood. i dont quite get the connection between a flying dragon festival and chainsaw art, but you wont hear me complaining. watching these guys use noisy violent instruments to create beautiful pieces of art was a lot of fun. their creations were actually pretty intricate too. good job, chainsaw artists!

this post might be very boring. if so, then im happy to correctly reflect the tone of my typical weekdays in blog-form.

__before school__
i wake up, cold, around 6am to my iphone's alarm clock playing the only song anyone should ever wake up to. after folding up the futon and putting it in the closet, i grab a can of bug spray and walk outside to the shower. i try my best to shoo away or kill-spray all the moths, mosquitoes, spiders, and other miscellaneous bugs i happen to see while i take a wicked hot shower. some mornings, if im feeling unusually hungry afterward, ill eat an american breakfast of cereal or yogurt. with the amount of sleep ive been getting lately, morning coffee is pretty much mandatory (im drinking it black these days). i spend the rest of the morning preparing my lessons for the day. then its time to load up the backpack and either walk, ride my bike, or take a bus to my first school of the day.

__morning classes__
upon arriving at school, i take off my shoes at the entrance way and put on the guest slippers because outdoor shoes are not worn inside school. then i go straight to the teacher's room where, if im lucky, the office lady will already have a hot cup of tea or coffee waiting for me on my desk. office ladies are freaking awesome! at 8am all the teachers gather for our daily meeting. as i dont understand most of what is said, i can only guess that everyone uses this time to talk about upcoming school events. or maybe they take turns making fun of the foreigner that cant understand them. possibly both. ill probably never know the truth.

classes usually start at 8:30am. even though i am officially an "assistant language teacher", i teach the kids by myself about 95% of the time. conveniently for the real english teachers, this means that they have none of the responsibility but they get all of the recognition. gee, they sure have a sweet gig.

class is usually spent trying to entertain the kids enough so that they dont fall asleep, talk to their friends, or have enough time to be rude to me. by the way, kids misbehave A LOT in japanese schools. but surprisingly, there is no such thing as disciplinary action here. in america, kids can get written-up, suspended, sent to the principal's office, expelled, ect.. but in japan, when the kids act up, they dont get punished at all. in fact, most teachers dont even ask them to stop misbehaving - they just try to ignore them. suffice to say, some classes are just plain chaotic and almost impossible to teach.

__about my classes and schools__
i teach anywhere between four and six classes every day. my 6-class days are ridiculously tiring to the point where i catch myself day-dreaming at school of jogging after work just to relax. yes, jogging for hours just to relax - imagine that.

i go to two schools on mondays and tuesdays, and only one school on the other days. three of my days are spent teaching elementary school kids (elementary school in japan are from grades 1-6). the other two days are junior high (grades 7-9). my smallest school has about 50 students. the largest probably has about 400 or so. class sizes range from 3 to 35 students. large classes are difficult to control, but they also have a greater chance of being interesting and making me laugh. no matter how dumb most kids can be sometimes, some of the awesome ones have already mastered the art of being hilarious, which is always a welcome surprise for me. smaller classes, on the other hand, are usually very behaved but sometimes unenthusiastic and painfully quiet.

both of my junior high schools have a "special needs" class that i teach every week. i tend to dread teaching these classes because i cant seem to figure out how to plan good lessons for them. it seems that my lessons so far are either ridiculously easy that its hard to keep them focused, or impossibly difficult for them which also leads them to not stay focused. so it seems that no matter what i plan, i cant keep their interest. and for me, personally, i find it very difficult to deal with some of the terribly strange things that go on in special needs classes.

to be continued..

about a week and a half ago, my supervisor told me in very broken english that i was to give a televised speech that will be broadcast and re-broadcast many times over on my town's local cable station. yikes. he also mentioned that i only had a week to prepare. double yikes. but then he dropped the bomb.. it should be in japanese! a million yikes.

i went home and spent several nights writing, fixing, and practicing my japanese speech. i even asked some of my multi-lingual friends to help with some of the translations (thanks again for your help, guys!). honestly, i was actually starting to get excited about rising to the challenge of giving a 5 minute speech in japanese after only living here for 3 months. but as luck as would have it, two days before the speech, i was told that i needed to change my speech. first, i needed to make it longer. and secondly, i had to deliver it in english instead. wait.. what the fuck? changing the language on me right before the speech?! not cool.

on the day of my televised speech, the camera crew came to one of my elementary schools and video taped me teaching one of my 5th grade classes. suffice to say, that was hella nerve-racking in its own right. but it wasnt over yet! after i taught the rest of my classes for the day, i got escorted to the camera room for my big speech. except, once we got there, the camera man told me that it wasnt going to a speech at all - it was going to be an interview instead. what? why? fml.

so after preparing a 5 minute japanese speech, then re-writing it in english, then lengthening it, i was told to disregard all of that effort and just give an impromptu interview instead. ugh. ok, you win, japan. i give up. i will stop trying to understand or predict what you expect of me. you win.

today was my first birthday spent in japan. and it went by just like any other day here. i woke up at 6am and fought the spiders and mosquitoes all the way to my outdoor shower. after sort-of waking up and cleaning up, i drank some coffee and prepared for today's lessons. i taught four classes at two elementary schools today. first graders are pretty rad; sixth graders are lame.

but heres where the story gets good. after work i threw a huge party at my house and invited all of the english-speakers in my town to come celebrate. any boy, today must have been my lucky day; every single english-speaker in my entire town showed up to party with me! oh, what a fun time we all had hanging out with me. to remember the awesome time we had together, we all squished together and took this group photo:

my 29th birthday spent with all the english-speakers in my town. note: all attendants are pictured here.

being the gracious host that i am, i even promised all my guests a piece of chocolate cake. fortunately for my pocket book, that meant i only had to buy one piece of cake. hooray! we struggled a bit trying to fit all twenty-nine candles on that tiny sliver of a cake. im pretty sure we came close to burning down the house when we lit the candles. we had just enough time to snap one picture of the cake before it melted in a blaze of lonely-old-man-confused-as-to-what-the-hell-he's-doing-with-his-life glory:

twenty-nine candles ablaze on top of a cake that was definitely enough to feed the entire party

but sarcasm aside, times like these remind me all the amazing friends of made in all of my previous lives. rest assured that if you are one of the people actually reading this blog then you are in fact one of the peeps that is sorely missed.

today i learned the difference between the words "penis" and "population" in japanese. and as luck would have it, i learned this lesson the hard way. you see, in english these two words are quite discernible - in fact its difficult for me to imagine a scenario where i could honestly mistake "penis" for "population" in english. at least while sober. japanese, however, is a completely different story. and by "completely different story" i mean that it is way too freaking easy to accidentally say one when you clearly meant to say the other.

so there i was, in the teachers room of one of my junior high schools. this was between classes, so all the teachers were in said room preparing for their next lessons. i was practicing a new japanese grammatical rule i had just learned with one of the english teachers, when i suddenly noticed that everyone around me became uncomfortably quiet for some strange reason. the english teacher quickly came over to me and corrected my mistake. the rest of the teachers around me pretended to ignore whatever mistake i had just made and continued going about their business. since i am still quite dumb when it comes to japanese, i didnt even realize what i actually said until a few minutes later when we were already in class. and by then i had to literally bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud in front of all the junior high kids at my hilariously terrible faux pas.

the sentence i meant to say was "人口が増えてきました" ("jinkou ga fuete kimashita") which in english means "the population has begun to increase." but i, in my subconscious quest for making terribly awkward yet ridiculously funny mistakes, started off that sentence with a ち ("chi") instead of a じ ("ji"). unfortunately for me, this made an innocent sentence about a changing population size turn into a very dirty sentence about an expanding male organ.

i, nick whalen, while in front of many teachers today, said out loud "ちんこが増えてきました" ("chinko ga fuete kimashita") which literally means "the penis has begun to increase."

ahh, the joys of learning a new language. i almost think that the designers of the japanese language did this on purpose, knowing full well that someday a foreigner like me would accidentally say this exact sentence.

this weekend has been a nice breath of fresh air - but i suppose that metaphor only works if we assume my normal days are filled with the stuffy stale air of loneliness, and that this weekend was filled with the cool refreshing air of actually being able to have real conversations with real people. ahhh, and how refreshing it was - even if it was for just a brief instant..

friday night i was fortunate enough to experience my first enkai (宴会), or after-work party. these are infamous events here in japan. they usually involve all the coworkers going out for food and drinks after work, getting very very drunk together, bonding with each other, and then pretending it never happened when they see each other at work the next day.

my particular experience was pretty tame compared to the stories ive heard from other JETs. since my town is apparently too small to have a decent public place to throw a 20-person party, we all had to pile into multiple cars and drive to owase (尾鷲), which is the closest "big" city to us (please note: in this particular case, owase is considered a "big" city when compared to my small town of kihoku (紀北町) because it has about 20,000 people. trust me - after living in my town for almost two months, owase feels like a freaking metropolis!). for two hours we sat on tatami (畳), ate appetizers, drank beer (ビール), plum wine (梅酒), and japanese sake (日本酒), and attempted to talk to each other in english and/or japanese with very mixed results of understanding. please see also: confusion. please see also: frustration. anyways, after exactly two hours, everyone got up, piled into their respective designated drivers' cars, and went home.

saturday night was awesome because i actually got to hang out with people my own age and partake in full-on enlgish conversations. oh, how i do miss those things dearly. a bunch of mie JETs went down to kumano (熊野) to celebrate a friend's birthday. we rented out a karaoke room / house for the night and drank, sang, talked, shared funny stories, played games, etc.. not only was it nice to feel like a social person again - even if it was just for a night - but it was also great to hang out with so many really cool and interesting people.

a few of us brave/awesome/crazy souls decided not to go to sleep at all that night. instead, we continued to party until about 4:30am and caught the first train back up north to our respective lonely towns.

a good friend recently asked me why i keep fantasizing about leaving my current house/town/life. this was via a text, so i had to cater my response to fit in only 160 characters or less. after contemplating for a bit, i responded with a simple yet efficient summary: "dude, i poop in a hole."

"team teaching" has been a major buzzword in much of the JET (Japan Exchange and Teaching) propaganda ive received so far. team teaching is pretty self-explanatory - multiple teachers join forces and plan, teach, and grade lessons together AS A TEAM. from the very beginning we are told to believe in, embrace, and utilize team teaching as much as possible in our classes. unfortunately, after just a few weeks i feel its safe to declare that team teaching, at least in my situation, is completely impossible. team teaching for the lose.

its almost fun to watch such a good idea, like team teaching, hopelessly fail before my very eyes every single day. every class ive had so far falls into one of two categories: i either do (a) all of the teaching or (b) none the teaching. so much for working together as a team, eh?

as an assistant language teacher (ALT), it blew my mind the first time i saw the real teachers get up and leave the classroom.. for the entire class. go team, go! ive even had teachers fall asleep during class. yay team! oh, and what sweet irony to work with "english teachers" who speak/understand little or no english. because team teaching is just so successful when the teachers cant even communicate with each other. team teaching minus the team. i would say that about 75% of my elementary classes end up with me, the assistant language teacher, acting as the full-time teacher and running the entire show from start to finish.

the other scenario is when i do absolutely nothing in the classroom. team teaching in a team of one. it seems my purpose, in these situations, is to show kids what a foreigner looks like. these classes are usually taught by the english teacher speaking nothing but japanese which is OBVIOUSLY the best way for kids to learn english. in these situations, the teacher usually doesnt even tell me what their lesson plan is before we get into the classroom. surely, this is team teaching in its finest.

the idea of team teaching sounds so good. students could learn BY EXAMPLE how a japanese speaker can effectively communicate with an english speaker. kids could get completely different but equally important perspectives on english topics. one teacher's strengths could compliment the other teacher's weaknesses. the list of advantages makes this method of teaching so appealing. but oh, the irony to be instructed to use team teaching in situations where the other team member doesnt understand the meaning of the word "team."

fail.

my town was fortunate enough to have a bad-ass jazz tour come through a couple of weeks ago. after work on a wednesday night, i was escorted to our (one and only) community center. i had to be escorted, of course, because i couldn't read or understand the information on the flyer or ticket. grrr, its been a month and a half and i still can't read enough japanese to go to a concert on my own. sigh.


anyways, it was refreshing to have just a little taste of american music in my distant foreign country. there were about 30 performers total, most of which played the classic gambit of big-band jazz instruments: brass, strings, woodwind, and percussion. there were a couple of jazz vocalists who sang a few songs too. one guy even covered sinatra's "my way" which, even in his japanese accent, was particularly fucking moving.


during the more upbeat songs a pair of swing dancers came out and swung. i was so stoked to see the dancers. it made me miss last summer in boston when i was lucky enough to take a couple months of swing dance lessons. oh boston how i miss ye.
while i was looking for a seat to sit in before the concert, i happened to find two fellow teachers from a junior high school sitting near the front. it was a bit awkward because i didnt remember their names. heck, i still dont. it was hard enough for me to remember english names back in america, but learning the hundreds of japanese names of my coworkers and students just seems like an impossible task for me at the moment.

after the jazz concert, the junior high teachers and i went out to a local restaurant for some dinner and drinks. it was nice to actually feel social with people in my town (note: this was the first and so far the only time ive been able to do so; the language barrier is such a harsh mistress). they loved watching and complimenting my chopstick skills while i ate sanma (サンマ), a popular local fish, and enjoyed listening to all the traveling ive done in japan so far.

teaching my first class was one of the most nerve-racking things ive ever done. i walked into a classroom ive never been in before, in front of a bunch of 8th grade kids ive never met before, and for the next 45 minutes i did something ive never done before.

we started off with my name. im having all of my students call me kujira-sensei (鯨先生), which means "whale teacher" in english. i chose this name because: (a) its similar to my last name (WHALEn, get it?), (b) its easy for the kids to say and remember, (c) i think its hilarious, and (d) its part of an even bigger joke which only makes sense if youre bilingual or if you have lots of time for me to explain it.

i tried to do as many interactive things as possible to keep those adhd kids' interest. i passed around american money and photographs of my previous american lives. i had some of the brave students come to the front of class and point on a over-sized map where they think las vegas and boston are. i even passed around a giant stuffed talking dog (his name is otosan (お父さん) and hes a very well known mascot of softbank, the only iphone carrier in japan) to show how much i like dogs and iphones.

halfway through the class, the japanese teacher had to stop me and ask if i could speak slower for the children. apparently, and ive been told this many times before, i talk ridiculously fast when im nervous. but no matter my talking speed or the fact that i was translating everything to japanese on the fly to help them understand, i still only got a bunch of blank stares, a couple of smart-ass remarks, and maybe a couple of im-in-love-with-you looks from the girls who im sure fall for every single one of their young male teachers.

towards the end, i whipped out isabel, my acoustic guitar, and failed horribly at my attempt to show off by playing a beatles song for them. i dont recommend dropping your pick mid-verse in front of a classs full of 8th graders, by the way. i would totally try to avoid that if i were you.

finally, with 10 minutes to spare, we played kujira bingo. i gave the kids time to fill in their bingo sheets with things about me like my names, hometowns, and hobbies. and then called out one item at a time until someone got a complete row or column. i was sooo happy when one of the quiet kids up front shouted bingo before any of the smart-ass jerks in the back. i gave him an american quarter as a prize.

overall, this was one of the most uncomfortable, what the fuck am i doing here, sometimes kids suck, seriously what am i doing here moments ive had in a long time. and with seven schools with multiple classes each, i figure its going to get much worse before it starts getting better. if it ever does.

i have been going to the board of education every work day since i got here. theres a spot that i can usually use as a desk (unless some random more-important person shows up) and sometimes i even have access to a computer which i can use to practice my kanji. since no one i work with understands much english - including my supervisor - and my level of japanese understanding is somewhere between a newborn and a retarded child, communication is very limited for me at work. this leads to the problem of not knowing what is planned for me that day until it is already happening.

every time i go to work, i have no idea what i am supposed to do that day. some days, i have nothing to do for 6 hours straight and then all of a sudden i have to travel to a bunch of schools to stumble through my japanese self introduction and learn a bunch of teachers' names which i quickly forget by the time i leave. other days, i am driven to various bus stops to practice taking certain buses to my schools. and sometimes i have to go to the town hall or the tax office to fill out forms i dont even knew existed and of which i still dont know what they're for.

one day, i showed up to work in my usual khakis and polo shirt to find that my supervisor signed me up to be in a volleyball club at one of my middle schools. at least thats what i think he said. so i went to school and found myself playing on a team of teachers vs. the middle school girls' volleyball team in a non-air-conditioned gymnasium for three long, grueling, embarrassing games. luckily, one teacher let me borrow some of his workout clothes so i wouldnt absolutely ruin my work clothes with my profuse sweating. this was also the day that i found out that i suck at volleyball. and i was fortunate enough to find this out in front of a bunch of my soon-to-be students and coworkers.

all of these random tasks have driven me to be prepared for anything at anytime. now i show up to work with a spare change of sports clothes, enough japanese study materials to keep myself occupied for hours at a time, and all of my official documentation, including passport, alien card, pension booklet, and various receipts,  to work every single freaking day.

since spending so much time in a small town had started to take its toll on my state of mind, i decided to go to osaka (大阪) and kyoto (京都) for the weekend. friday night, after work, i hoped on a 4 hour train to meet up with my friend brent. though he lives in the wakayama prefecture (和歌山県) now, we met and became friends back in boston 2 years ago. small world, eh?

we spent friday night playing a game he called "lawson hoping," which consisted of buying a drink every time we walked by a lawson convenience store (japan is like vegas with their drinking laws - it's legal to walk around with open containers). we walked around the city looking for a tasty place to eat and a cheap place to crash while lawson hoping.

check out the bib on that guy

after eating some japanese and italian seafood pasta, we went to a bar with pool tables, board games, ping pong, and darts. we played a few games of jenga (i totally won) while sipping on some guiness. beer is not one of japan's finer points, so it was oh-so nice to finally taste good beer again.

drunk jenga

saturday we went to kyoto (京都) to see some shrines. brent suggested we go to fushimi inari-taisha (伏見稲荷大社) for a good mix of hiking, beautiful scenery, and shrines. it is said to have 10 thousand torii (鳥居), or sacred japanese gates leading up to the inari shrine. all the orange things in these photo are torii (鳥居):
after our hike we met up with more friends i met in boston, taishi and yakuri. unfortunately, taishi had to leave for nagoya and yukari had a work party to go to, so around 11pm brent and i were on our own again. we took the last train back to osaka with the goals of finding another cheap hotel and some more drinking. but after finding out that all the hotels in our price range were full, we had no other choice but to pull an all-nighter and hop from bar to bar until the morning trains could take us back home. we made friends along the way who took us to yet another bar that stayed open until at least 6am. i dont know when it closes, however, because we finally cut ourselves off around 6 and headed back to the train station.

drinking in kyoto with boston friends

unfortunately, a night of drinking and not sleeping at all took its toll on me. on the way back, i slept through my stop to change trains was and ended up spending 8 instead of 4 hours to get back home. ugh. but oh well. i still feel that it was hella worth it. now that my fun-o-meter has been maxed out, i can (try to) enjoy my small town again. until next weekend, that is..

kumano fireworks (熊野の花火)

japan really knows how to put on a good fireworks show. new years in las vegas and independence day in boston dont have anything on kumano and its fireworks festival. my friends and i sat on the beach and ooh'ed and ahh'ed  for 2+ solid hours of beautiful fireworks set off from several boats out on the water. i heard that there were more than 20,000 fireworks and close to 1,00,000 people this year all crowded on a little beach in kumano this year.

one of the coolest things i saw was a boat that dropped fireworks into the water behind it as it went from one side of the beach to the other. as you can hear someone say in the video, it did actually seem a bit mario-kart-esque the way it was dropping them and racing away:

at one point near the end of the show a boat set off this gigantic bomb / firework that was so close to where we were sitting that i felt the earth shake and felt the exploding sound waves in my chest. unfortunately, i was about 2 seconds too late with this video. its still pretty spectacular though:
with such a long show, i guess it sort of made sense that they had multiple finales. here was one of the better ones. skip to about a minute into it for the super exciting stuff:
and here's a slideshow just in case the movies are too long/boring:

choushi river (銚子川), kihoku (紀北町)

last weekend i decided to explore my surrounding area a bit to get a better idea of what is in store for me over the next 11+ months. i spent saturday biking around my town. though my employer, the kihoku board of education, gave me a bicycle to use, it's really not in any shape to be ridden at all (two flat tires, broken treads, and a rusty chain would make riding quite difficult). luckily, this really nice lady that works at the liquor store offered to lend me one of her extra bikes while i live here. score!

trains only leave my town every 2 hours :(

my town is so small that i can literally bike around the whole thing (im talking perimeter, baby) in less than a half an hour. saturday's bike ride took longer than that, though, because i wanted to scope out the place too. i discovered that this place has multiple rivers, multiple shrines, and exactly one shoe store. yay?

owase city (尾鷲市)

posing in owase city (尾鷲市)

sunday i decided to check out owase (尾鷲市), which is just one train station away from me. i walked around a lot of the city in the blazing heat and found a 100-yen store (much like dollar stores in america), a couple karaoke places, and even a mcdonalds. ive been told owase has the only mcdonalds in mie this far south. though i usually dont eat fast food cause its rarely pescatarian-friendly, i had to stop in to see what their japanese menu looks like. i found out that japanese mcdonalds serve shrimp sandwiches and cups of corn. weird.

mcdonalds in japan sell shrimp (海老) sandwiches

memorizing my new address is taking longer than it should. personally, i find the most interesting part about my address is my new japanese name. with just a little engrish hackingu, i can make "nick whalen" mean "whale meat." yes, i am still laughing about this. anyways, in case anyone wants to send me knuckle sandwiches, anthrax, or used panties, dont. but if you want to send me anything else, here's my 'dress..

for the english speakers:
Nick Whalen
***-* Aiga
Miyama-ku, Kihoku-cho, Kitamuro-gun, Mie-ken ***-****
Japan

and for those fluent in japanese:
〒***-****
北牟婁郡紀北町海山区相賀***-*
鯨肉様


NOTE: this post has been edited to censor parts of my address

tonight i decided to christen my kitchen by trying to make octopus okonomiyaki (たこお好み焼き). okonomiyaki is like a cross between a pancake, an omelet, and a pizza. it originated from the kansai region (関西地方), which is where i live now.

my octopus okonomiyaki (たこお好み焼き) is now ready for nommage

i started making the batter first. there are close to infinite number of possible ingredients that one could put in the batter. i chose to throw in some cabbage, bean sprouts, and mushrooms. next, i fried up some slices of octopus tentacle. i then poured the batter on top of the octopus in the shape of a pancake. when it was done cooking, i drizzled mayonnaise (japanese people LOVE mayonnais!!), okonomiyaki sauce, and bonito flakes (dried fish flakes) on top.

i dont mean to toot my own horn or anything, but my okonomiyaki came out perfect! it was so freaking good i had to go back to the kitchen and make another. if anyone wants the recipe, id be happy to share. 

chop up your favorite cephalopod mollusc. i chose a tasty octopus (たこ)

fry that mother up

pour the "batter" on top. my "batter" had egg, flour, cabbage, bean sprouts, and mushrooms in it

flip it when it turns golden

the chef

almost ready to nom

decorate with mayonnaise (マヨネーズ), okonomiyaki sauce (お好み焼きソース), and bonito flakes (dried fish flakes)

nomming

for about the first week of living in my new home, i got ready for work each morning without a mirror. though i do cherish every second i dont have to look at my ugly mug, it did complicate a couple of things. shaving, for example, becomes exponentially difficult the less you can actually see where youre sticking that razor.

i didnt have a chance to buy a mirror for a few days because: (1) my schedule was ridiculously chaotic, (2) stores close early in small towns, and (3) i didnt even know where to go to buy one.

long story short, i did what i feel any technologically savvy boy would do in this situation: i opened up my laptop, turned on my webcam, and shaved while looking at a digital image of myself. the only downside of this procedure, of course, is the small neck-beard hairs i found in my keyboard later that day. but oh well. mission accomplished.

an age-old problem solved in a 21st century style; i think this deserves at least a merit badge in techie nerdery. ill assume one is on the mail.

apparently, its not possible for JET's to have too many orientations. i spent monday (月曜日) and tuesday (火曜日) in more all-day orientations in the capital city of my prefecture, tsu (津市).

the view of tsu city (津市) from my hotel window

i must say that these workshops were much more relevant than the ones in tokyo because they actually pertained to my specific prefecture. we learned about how seismologists are actually expecting a major earthquake in mie anytime now. i actually have an emergency bag already packed with emergency supplies next to where i sleep just in case. pretty crazy.

we also learned about all the cool adventures that some fellow JET's are planning, like going to all the big summer festivals, tokyo disney, and even going up to nagano for a weekend of snowboarding.

the post-orientation party at a popular foreigner (外人) bar, the melting pot

the best past of orientation, however, was the after party. we went to this foreigner bar owned by some crazy texan who also poured our drinks for us. the highlight was when i tried my first flaming sambuca shot:

• 1. pour a shot of sambuca
• 2. light it on fire
• 3. put out the fire by covering it up with another glass
• 4. remove the glass
• 5. drink the shot
• 6. huff the fumes still trapped in the outer glass with a straw
• 7. feel unsober

my flaming sambuca was different than everyone else's because of the simple fact that when the bartender lit mine on fire he did not clean the excess alcohol around it first. so before i could drink my shot, i had to wait for him to put out the small bar fire he had just started first. mental note: flaming sambucas are not the smartest or safest drink to order.

on our way back from the post-orientation party

it was 2am and i was getting ready for bed. i made my bed (took out the futon from the closet and laid it on the floor), set my alarm, and was about to turn off the lights when i suddenly noticed something that honestly made me scream like a little girl. about 3 feet from where i was about to lay my head, i saw a huntsman spider THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING HAND just chilling on the wall. just chilling. waiting for me to turn out the lights so it could bite, sting, and claw me to death while i sleep. im positively sure of this. anyways, after promptly urinating myself several times in rapid succession, i finally worked up the courage to fight this beast one on one. mano a mano. may the best man/beast win.

because ive been warned how fast these things are and how they love to jump around, i took no precaution and quickly emptied half a can of spider killer on it. but mr huntsman spider decided not to give in without a fight. i swear i even saw him flip me off with every single stupid leg of his. he ran from room to room and up and down walls all the while contemplating how he was going to kill me slowly and eat my brains while i watch.

i finally grew enough cajones to start swatting at him with the dustpan. boy, he did not go down without a fight. after about 13 crushing blows, he finally curled up his legs and died. this mother was still a few inches across even after he curled in his legs.

the irony is that hunstman spiders are not really harmful to humans, and in fact, ive been told by many people to not kill them because they prey on the even more heinous creatures that are probably lurking in my house as i type this.

ugh.

::sigh::

some of my fellow mie JET's decided to plan a beach day for all to enjoy. unfortunately for me, my commute was quite a bit longer than most of the others due to my distance from the rest of the world and the fact that trains only leave every 2 hours or so from my station. but whatevs. after 2 hours of sleep, 5 hours later i finally met up with some familiar faces and a bunch of other soon-to-be-familiar JET's.

a bunch of JET's on the train from matsusaka (松阪市) to shima (志摩市)

kou beach (国府白浜) was exactly what i needed. not only did i need to get away from my small town and spider infested house, but i cant begin to explain how awesome it was to actually converse with people again. language barriers are such a bummer. anyways, the beach was quite beautiful and long. the water was a shade colder than room temperature. i couldnt get over how much clearer the water was compared to california's. this picture doesnt even do it justice:

kou beach (国府白浜海水浴場)

after a perfect day of swimming, floating, eating ice cream, and hanging out with new friends, i sadly got back on the trains and buses for my 5 hour commute back home. it was dark when i left and dark when i came back. but im so freaking glad i did it.

group photo at kou beach (国府白浜海水浴場). hint: im near the back, stage right