what the fuck am i doing here? being out of my small town and away from my JET life for just a short week during the holidays has made me quite reflective and contemplative. yes, i like crazy ideas. yes, i like challenges. yes, it appears i like to torture myself. but what the fuck am i really trying to do with my new/temporary life in japan? ive been answering this question with humor and sarcasm to all of my good friends and family in vegas, but for the sake of my own personal sanity, i feel like its important to remember the real reasons why i threw away so much to live in a glorified outhouse and teach english in the Middle of Nowhere, Japan.

long before i moved here, i had three goals to shoot for. and after some reevaluation, im still holding true to these goals.

• 1. learn japanese
• 2. learn to deal with kids
• 3. explore

honestly, i feel like ive been making some real progress towards these goals. ive been noticing that i dont hate 100% of children anymore (its possibly down to as low as 99%). and ive spent every weekend except two traveling around and adventuring. though i have progressed a bit with my japanese skills, i am still a little ashamed that im not as far along as i had thought id be by now. i could blame it on the fact that there arent any japanese classes offered within a few hours of me. i could blame it on the fact that i honestly dont enjoy hanging out with old people because we have absolutely nothing in common. but im worried that the real reason is that learning this language is more difficult for me than other people. but no matter the excuse, i still have 6.5 months to work on it.

these were the three reasons why i left my past life. and it took a week of vegas to remind me these are still, in fact, the reasons that keep me here.