ive been fortunate enough to experience the joys of owning my very own toilet fog machine and id like to share with you the steps i took so that you too can turn a boring toilet into an exciting foggy instrument of happiness.

• step 1: remove any plumbing connected to your toilet.
• step 2: create a big opening in the bottom of the bowl and dig a deep hole in the ground that leads from the toilet down to the depths of hades.
• step 3: do not heat your house during the winter so that it can become icy cold in all of your rooms including, and most importantly, your bathroom.
• step 4: drink liquids.
• step 5: when the urge arises, pee into your bottomless toilet.
• step 6: enjoy foggy goodness.

scientists are still debating the exact steps that occur on a molecular level during this complicated process. im no urologist specializing in urological compound transformation (at least not anymore), but it seems to me that when hot piss falls down a bottomless icy toilet hole it almost instantaneously results in a tremendous amount of steam which then rises back up said hole. thus, turning a common everyday toilet into a delightful and exciting fog machine.

last weekend i took a day trip up north. after meeting up with a friend from iga, we went to see a famous shrine called ise jingu (伊勢神宮). this shrine is probably the biggest reason why people visit my prefecture. unfortunately for everyone who visits hoping to go inside and take a look, you cant. this shinto shrine is so elite that the general public is not allowed inside the main shrine. but even with that sad rule in place, ise jingu is still totally worth it. not only were the other shrines around it beautiful, but the history surrounding this place blew my mind as well.
from what sounds like its straight out of a nintendo role playing video game, ise jingu is home to one of the three sacred imperial regalia of japan, the sanshu no jingi (三種の神器). these three sacred treasures consist of a sword of valor, a mirror of wisdom, and a jewel of benevolence. ise jingu is said to contain the sacred mirror, the yata no kagami (八咫鏡). but of course no one can actually verify the treasure is actually here because no one is allowed inside - it is that freaking sacred. at this point my video game mind takes over and i assume that the townsfolk have been waiting hundreds of years for the one true hero to collect all three sacred regalia as part of a quest to defeat the terrible evil plaguing the area. but i suppose i should get back on-topic somehow..
the coolest yet most unbelievable thing about the ise shrines is the fact that they, along with the entire bridge that leads to the inner shrine (内宮), get rebuilt every 20 years. on purpose. seriously. to symbolize the death and rebirth that occurs in everything around us, every 20 years all of the structures get torn down and rebuilt to the same exact specifications as the last. its actually due to get rebuilt again soon; the 62nd rebirth is scheduled for 2013 with an estimated cost of about $500,000,000 USD. apparently, shinto pockets run deep.
after checking out the shrines we helped ourselves to some of the tasty treats that the town of ise is known for. first we tried ise udon (伊勢うどん), a thick-noodle soup in a soy-based broth, which was pretty much the best thing in the world because it was hot and the weather outside was bitterly cold. next we went to a tea cafe and tried some akafuku (赤福), a red-bean mochi, with some hot green tea (お茶). both ise specialties were delicious and made me want to come back and try them again real soon.

and while im at it, hopefully i can meet the hero of legends trying to collect all three sacred treasures.

i decided that a familiar american coffee chain was exactly what i needed to cure my sluggish new years day morning. first stop: starbucks. next stop: hatsumoude..

taken on the 1st day of the new year, tokyo (東京)

__hatsumoude (初詣)__
hatsumoude (初詣) is the first shrine or temple visit of the new year. this is a big deal for many japanese people. it is almost expected that within the first couple days of january everyone will visit a shrine with their family or close friends and pray for another good year. after a delicious but overpriced caffeinated wake-up, i decided to head to meiji jingu (明治神宮) to start my new year off right.

the torii (鳥居) leading to meiji jingu (明治神宮)

unsurprisingly, this was the same exact idea that thousands upon thousands of japanese people had as well. i later found out it was estimated that between two and three million people visited meiji jingu during the first three days of january. i waded through crowds and waited in lines that would have made disneyland seem like child's play. ha.

i believe the proper description for this is "hella crowded", meiji jingu (明治神宮)

when i finally got inside i did the customary shinto ritual i saw everyone else do: i threw a coin in with the other donations, bowed, clapped twice, and bowed again. i didnt actually pray for anything because i believe in science, so instead i cautioned myself not to fuck up this year as much as the last.

__odaiba (お台場)__
after the maddeningly busy shrine, my friend sold me on exploring this artificial island called odaiba (お台場). so we hopped a couple of trains, crossed the rainbow bridge, and arrived at one of the most scenic views ive seen in tokyo so far.

the rainbow bridge (レインボーブリッジ) and a statue of liberty (自由の女神) replica, odaiba (お台場)

in japanese, the statue of liberty is jiyuu no megami zou (自由の女神像) which literally means "the goddess of freedom statue." im sorry, english speakers, but the goddess of freedom is sooooo much more bad-ass than the statue of liberty. point: japan.

i am totally partial to how mysteriously emo this looks, odaiba (お台場)

the rainbow bridge (レインボーブリッジ), along with the star road i saw the night before made me feel like mario kart was totally real and that i was living inside a video game the last few days. but then again, japan does have that effect on me a lot.

on the roof of a 9-story shopping mall was a small shrine

there was an exciting looking shopping mall right next to our train stop so we spent a couple of hours checking it out. two highlights were seeing a small shrine on the roof of that 9-story mall and finding a stitch (スティッチ) that was almost bigger than me.

the biggest stitch (スティッチ) ever

__post-adventure reflections__
after odaiba i headed back to the hostel to chill, pack up, and prepare myself for the 6 hour trip back to kihoku (紀北) that i was not looking forward to doing the next day. after a bit of reflecting, i would like to thank tokyo for being so awesome. though osaka (大阪) still has my heart, i was surprised to see that tokyo definitely gave it a run for its money. oh, how i miss big cities. bye for now, tokyo - i hope to see you again real soon.

i believe that if you have a spotty and unpredictable sleep cycle for enough years in a row, jet lag will cease to affect you. case in point: i woke up bright and early on a futon (布団) in a tokyo (東京) hostel after a 17 hour time-zone change feeling awake, refreshed, and ready to carpe the fucking diem.

showing off some awesome panda 'muffs in harajuku (原宿)

__harajuku (原宿)__
the first stop on my list was harajuku (原宿). this place is known for its interesting mix of fashion styles which can vary from punk, cosplay (anime characters), and hipster, to everything in between. it was so fun to walk through the crowded streets and absorb all the outlandish different styles young japanese people like to wear these days.

entering harajuku (原宿)

__mind-reading vending machines__
after meeting up with a friend from mie (三重), we decided to go to shinagawa (品川) to try to find the vending machines that read your mind. yeah, you read that right; in japan, drink chooses you! shinagawa station has a vending machine with cameras and software that try to determine the customers' gender and age. it then recommends drinks that it "thinks" youll enjoy. for as sexist, ageist, and imperfect as its algorithm undoubtedly was, i must admit that it recommend nothing but coffee drinks for me. which, truth be told, was pretty spot-on considering how much coffee ive been drinking lately.

waiting for the vending machine to tell her what she wants to drink, shinagawa (品川)

__tokyo tower (東京タワー)__
next we headed over to minato (港) to see tokyos beloved tokyo tower (東京タワー). much like the stratosphere in vegas, the space needle in seattle, and the cn tower in toronto, the tokyo tower is a super touristy building that offers breathtaking views of the city along with long lines and expensive elevators. that being said, however, it was very beautiful and im totally glad i did it at least once in my life.

a view of a star-shaped road system from tokyo tower (東京タワー)

on a disturbingly sad and ironic note, my friend pointed out a plaque written in braille describing the view from the top of the tower.

a plaque written in braille describing the view from the top of the tokyo tower (東京タワー)

__toshikoshi soba (年越しそば)__
after the tower, i got to partake in one of what seems like the hundreds of japanese new years traditions: toshikoshi soba (年越しそば). we found our way to a nearby soba shop and ordered two big bowls of hot toshikoshi soba, which is a delicious noodle soup whose name literally means "the end of the year soba." ive been told that long soba noodles represent a long life; thus eating them at the end of the year is a way to lengthen one's longevity. we'll never know if it really worked for me, but it was fun to participate in the tradition nonetheless.

__new years bar__
the last stop of the night was to ring in the new year at an irish pub in ueno (上野). our waitresses totally wore big fluffy pink bunny costumes. ha, leave it to japan to make the waitresses at a totally un-japanese place like an irish pub wear bunny outfits. anyways, i got to finish the old year drinking guinnesses and start the new one sipping glenlivet. not surprisingly, there were no new years kisses; but honestly i cant remember the last time i had one of those anyways.

note: the waitress on the table to the left is dressed like a bunny, ueno (上野)

spending a week in vegas for xmas was a much needed break from my confusing and always-feeling-out-of-place life in japan. but more than just a break from the norm, it was a great way to center myself while being with some of the best friends and family a boy could ever ask for. its times like these that really remind me of how fortunate i am to have such amazing people in my life.

aside from the good peeps, returning to a big american city from a small japanese town revealed some of the major differences between the two. i could sit down and list all of the differences for days, but to save my fingers from exhaustion and the readers from boredom, ill mention just three of the bigger ones.

first and most obvious was the size of everything. from the people (which are not only taller but MUCH wider), to the houses, cars, pets, meals, and drinks - everything was so much bigger in america.

the second major difference was indoor temperature. since its usually not economical in japan to have central heating, there are plenty of times when i have to put on more clothes when i go indoors. in america, however, public places like restaurants and airports tended to be overheated to the point where i had to actually take off clothing to be comfortable.

lastly, the third big difference was cultural diversity. not only do people from all over the world move to and live in the bigger american cities, but they also bring some of their distinct culture with them in the form of food, drinks, languages, stories, and traditions. this difference was quite striking compared to my small town composed of 99.99% japanese people and me (note: to my knowledge, the percentage is in fact accurate).