teaching my first class was one of the most nerve-racking things ive ever done. i walked into a classroom ive never been in before, in front of a bunch of 8th grade kids ive never met before, and for the next 45 minutes i did something ive never done before.

we started off with my name. im having all of my students call me kujira-sensei (鯨先生), which means "whale teacher" in english. i chose this name because: (a) its similar to my last name (WHALEn, get it?), (b) its easy for the kids to say and remember, (c) i think its hilarious, and (d) its part of an even bigger joke which only makes sense if youre bilingual or if you have lots of time for me to explain it.

i tried to do as many interactive things as possible to keep those adhd kids' interest. i passed around american money and photographs of my previous american lives. i had some of the brave students come to the front of class and point on a over-sized map where they think las vegas and boston are. i even passed around a giant stuffed talking dog (his name is otosan (お父さん) and hes a very well known mascot of softbank, the only iphone carrier in japan) to show how much i like dogs and iphones.

halfway through the class, the japanese teacher had to stop me and ask if i could speak slower for the children. apparently, and ive been told this many times before, i talk ridiculously fast when im nervous. but no matter my talking speed or the fact that i was translating everything to japanese on the fly to help them understand, i still only got a bunch of blank stares, a couple of smart-ass remarks, and maybe a couple of im-in-love-with-you looks from the girls who im sure fall for every single one of their young male teachers.

towards the end, i whipped out isabel, my acoustic guitar, and failed horribly at my attempt to show off by playing a beatles song for them. i dont recommend dropping your pick mid-verse in front of a classs full of 8th graders, by the way. i would totally try to avoid that if i were you.

finally, with 10 minutes to spare, we played kujira bingo. i gave the kids time to fill in their bingo sheets with things about me like my names, hometowns, and hobbies. and then called out one item at a time until someone got a complete row or column. i was sooo happy when one of the quiet kids up front shouted bingo before any of the smart-ass jerks in the back. i gave him an american quarter as a prize.

overall, this was one of the most uncomfortable, what the fuck am i doing here, sometimes kids suck, seriously what am i doing here moments ive had in a long time. and with seven schools with multiple classes each, i figure its going to get much worse before it starts getting better. if it ever does.