they trick you with their cute smiling faces. they lure you in with their small size and innocent appearance. "kujira sensei," they might say in excitement as they run towards you. they fool you into a false sense of security with their bright cheerful banter. as many as 20 kids at a time may try to hug you, cling to you, and climb you. they break through your defenses with their adorable smiles and genuine laughter. "wow, these kids really like me," you might think to yourself as they start pushing their way closer. you may find it harder to move as they begin swarming around you like an angry hive of cute 6 year old bees. they trick you into believing that theres no problem with the fact that you cant move your arms or legs anymore..

..and thats when they attack!!

in any group of japanese elementary school kids you can find at least one boy or girl who wants nothing more in the world than to give their foreign language teacher a kancho (カンチョー). kancho, for those lucky souls who are unaware, is the act of putting your hands together with the index and middle finger from each hand sticking straight out (thats a total of 4 fingers, mind you), and trying to thrust said fingers into someones butt. in any other country, this would probably be considered sexual harassment and would be followed by just punishment and/or scolding. in japan, however, kanchos are totally normal and acceptable acts that kids do to each other AND THEIR TEACHERS.

a real statue somewhere in japan

ive had kids try to kancho me in front of teachers. ive had kids try to kancho me during class. ive even had kids try to kancho me during ceremonies in front of the entire school and their parents. oddly enough, i feel like the weird one for being the only adult who gives them dirty looks and tells them to stop. fortunately, most kids are much too slow, dumb, or obvious about their intentions to be successful. a quick block, sidestep, or turn of the body is all thats usually necessary to defend oneself from such evil games.

but oh, much like the menacing raptors, theyve learned that its better to hunt in packs. with 20 cute children hugging you and telling you how much they like both you and your english lessons, its impossible to stop the one or two jerks from accomplishing this malicious deed.
fortunately, 6 year olds are much too weak to push through the pants and get their fingers close to anything they shouldnt. but its still shocking, awkward, and terrible nonetheless. the worst part is when the teachers see it happen, they see you dont like it, they realize you cant scold the students because you dont speak japanese, and they do nothing to stop or prevent it.

oh japan, with your very socially acceptable kid-on-adult butt-probing, you never cease to amaze me with just how weird you can be.